i finished work today earlier and had, finally, chance to read. John Hedgecoe 'the new manual of photography'. i like this book. in simple way explain basic. 
so had a bit time. and was reading only. 
i was working recently to just collect money for college. that's important. 3 weeks and i will button up first button. after i'm not saying that will be easy but i could manage. have to only stick with a plan. and will be good. :) 
first semester i'm going to focus on learning after new year have to find good photographer to start a practice. :) and keep 25-30hours contract in work :)easy peasy :) 
the funny thing is i am not afraid of or scared. i'm waiting for that :) bring it on :-D 

;) halo :)
it was so long long time when i was writing on this page..
really long time. ok. let's do this.
i was recently on Streets Performers Champion Dublin 2012. probably i said wrong this name but most of people know what i'm talking about. it was deadly!! wonderful!!! amazing!!! i took lots of pictures. you could check http://www.flickr.com/photos/mica1978/

feeling really good :)

i took my cannon 350D with 28-80mm and small bag. and had really good time :) despite that i was tired. i tried to see everything and capture the most interesting things. this dog..i don't why but he was afraid of me. strange.. i am not ...no... i am nice. :)) but it was something ..special and i press the shutter.
i met few interesting people on festival. and ..yes, i had a great time :D

it feels weird...second week where finally, i mean FINALLY, i have a peace. slowly i sorted out my problems, rid of people which are like snakes in the grass. i don't know why but i was stupid over and over again. i had a choice and always i've chosen the worse possibility. why? i was keep asking myself and answer was always the same - because this time could be different...
now, it's like i could finally see clearly without unnecessary emotions which always lead me wrong to be honest. 
i know that i lost hell a lot of time...and won't have back..
today i was talking with a person whose life was fucking in pieces but despite that he managed to shack off this shit and not move on but build entire life again. it took him a while but he did it. now he's ...very good. simple - very good. i wish to be the same. and i know that i will be...just need more time and focus on it. 
how to describe happiness? i don't know...for so many years i learnt how to keep my head above water that i...don't or maybe didn't know how to be happy. i stop to believe in silly fairy tales. they don't happen to me. 
i want to be a person who i am inside. so, come on! come outside....come on!! 
more confidence, knowledge, peace and everything will be fantastic..i know that. he could do that so am i. 

me....

tue May 22


my life's still surprising me..every time practically. 
i know that i am tough cooky and....yeah..hard work. to be honest, i hate this expression. what the fuck does mean 'hard work'?  but ..yes. it's true. 
always when i'm trying to sort it out my private life, everything turns opposite. it's just like  when i'm really trying..everything goes in wrong way...i'm tired to be honest. how many times you will burn yourself?more and more things are telling me that being single is better for me. yeah fine, don't have to compromise with shit things. can be free completely. 
......telling me that i am cold bitch, don't think about others only about myself....doesn't hurt me anymore. it become ..boring. 
more or less i don't believe that i will find 'this guy'( the true love expression is funny for me and don't use it anymore). don't get me wrong ...it's hard sometimes. you could basically feel pain which cause loneliness. i'm closing my eyes and reminding myself for what i suppose to be grateful...
i have a job which is satisfy to some point. can pay bills, life and i'm doing college. i'm keeping myself busy. 
i have stumbles, mistakes but it's fine. it's life. 
........
i am so exciting because i'm going to finally i should say, work on my project which actually i'm dreaming now. 
i found a perfect model (fantastic!!!!). have a studio/room. just have to work on lights. it will be light improvisation :) i didn't own a light equipment (yet) fucking expensive so, have think a bit and bit really clever :) 
can't wait to be honest :) 
everything i wil start to do  first/second week of june. :) very excited :) 
yes, indeed my life's cool :) and i like it even if sometimes i am moaning or i am tired of almost everything. hard work and leaving this crap behind :) that's good :) 
i love Miss Michaela...and i am proud of you :) x

:-) i've chosen and i'm going this way. i'm not setting a business because i don't ant to treat that as a business. for me is huge part of my life.  do you want to know i feel? what do i think? just look at my pictures. 

'keeping my head up...'6


today i took my camera to the city and took few shoots. just for fun. just to feel alive. i love two streets in Dublin. first one, Henry street. close to the most famous statue in the city - spire of dublin. it's busy but not enough. it's more like street with history, with atmosphere of old times. always you could find lots of singers, musicians and unique beggars. unique means - they aren't just sitting on the street. they are really creative in how to beg. and even if you have a last penny...yeah you're giving. for creativity. 
today i saw this guy with a dog which is fine. i saw that. but he had also a bunny. the dog and the bunny. it was hilarious watch them....

after i remind myself that actually i have to do some shopping...and of course i forgot about things which i needed most. typical...

after i went to see my friend and brief in some sea air. i tried to take some shoots but it's started to rain. so basically i was enjoying cup of hot chocolate and talk. talk. and talk. in the end we are both agreed - don't hesitate and let's face the music. in the end all is matter is how much you want this. me - badly!!!

and sometimes is better just zip up....:-) 

i have few new books about photography, so tomorrow :-) home and reading :-) 

'keeping my head up.....5'




one of my friends told me that 'existence can be one of the most painful experiences to occur but there is beauty in it'. and it's true. cannot argue with that. 
sometimes the pain is unbearable that you cannot brief. when you're doing it, you could feel pain which turns you apart. you're not thinking. you're not living. you just simply exist. day by day. minute by minute. usually at that moments...i'm drinking tea..wrapping myself in nice cosy pj's and cuddling my teddy. I know that's really pathetic. but most of the time it works. most of the time...
sometimes doesn't...but i know that in the morning the Sun will shine and could be better. because you don't basically. 
feeling lonely sometimes but you can't predict future and what will happen in the corner...so i've chosen to be surprised and wait and see what will happen....
i cannot force anything.....